| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2008|03:16 am] |
to write in livejournal or to not write in livejournal.
we will see.
as for life updates:
today was my 3 year anniversary with craig (jan 31st).
i bought a new laptop today and i am making recovery disks for it and that's why i am still awake.
i am one of the 3 managers at my mac counter.
i have a car. her name is hedwig. she is white.
i am still obsessed with harry potter.
i am old.
i spend money i don't have and put everything on credit cards.
i graduated college.
i am pretty much still the same. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|08:28 pm] |
today was first day of basic training for mac. mac has been going very well. i don't feel like i'm going to work nor do i dread going in. the stress is nothing like sephora. i can definitely see myself growing tremendously with this company. my numbers are already fabulous and i've only been there a month. my first week, i had a higher average unit sale than some people who've been there over a year. so go me. and i keep going over my goal, my stretch goal. something i didn't think was possible. basic training is similar to SOS except they certify you with time evaluations and your makeup applications and skills. i'm excited to do well.
moving on, school is school and i quit the radio station. hooray! good for me, i know. i'm pretty sad about it. but it's not what it was when i first joined. everything has pretty much changed and the lack of teamwork and organization is unbelievable. not to mention the station is garbage, just like the top 40 station they are trying to turn it into. excuse me, a hiphop hot 97 top 40 station. yeah. since when was college radio supposed to be mainstream? exactly. i can barely stand most of the stuff played on z100, let alone hot 97 on WBCR, where it's mainly rock oriented. oh wait, but they told me not to imput so much rock or as they like to call it, heavy metal into the system. because you know, i LOVE heavy metal. right. but paris hilton is what brooklyn college apparantly wants to hear. and i'm not even being sarcastic.
i have much better things to aim on. like my job and how i plan on moving up within the next year because my managers keep pushing me and telling me to do so. good sign? i think so. and i think i could actually do it. it's amazing how different i feel at the beginning here than at the beginning for sephora.
i'm moving again in the middle of october. to gravesend and a bigger apartment directly across the street from the N train. am i excited? oh you have no idea. how i miss the subway line without having to take a bus. but yeah, me making more money means i'll give my mom more money which leads us to a nicer place with a friend as a landlord.
i'll probably still be broke, but i'm going to try and save money. we'll see how that goes.
my mouth has been hurting a whole lot the last few days. it's pretty awful. i don't know if it's a wisdom tooth or what. but there's no room for it to grow into. and it hurts whenevr i move my mouth, even to talk. imagine the pain for me, exactly. and i think my glands are swollen or my tonsils. whatever it is. i'm really excited that i have no coverage to take care of myself.
alright so. even though i won't be in school until next wednesday, i still have papers to email.
<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2006|06:44 am] |
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i hate waking up early more than anything. and humidity. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|11:05 pm] |
today at work, i was asked what kind of music i listen to. i said, mainly underground rock. one of my coworkers than decided my new nickname would be goth girl. and he told everyone i was a goth girl.
......................................
yeah.
school seems like it will be okay this semester. we'll see what i say by the end of the month. veronica and i are in almost every class together and every class has a group project and we partnered ourselves up together.
i'm going to update myspace. |
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| seconds pass, we'll make it through. eventually, we all are going home. |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|11:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | thursday - autumn leaves revisited | ] |
i have so much to do. my room is so messy and i want to update myspace. i love how the latter qualifies as so much to do. i need a life. but i really want to write in here and update before i forget my vacation. i will probably not post pictures because i'll never want to spend that much time in doing so. however, that is very likely to change and therefore, puerto rican pictures might possibly be on the way soon.
so flying was OKAY. we hit a tad bit of turbulance, but i'm glad i saw open water and snakes on a plane AFTER our vacation. and being when you fly to puerto rico, the majority of the flight is over water, we didn't get satellite tv, so they provided us with free movies. the latest x-men movie being one of them. very, VERY exciting. you have no idea how happy and calm that made me. however, when it got bumpy, my nails dug into craig's arm.
we arrived at midnight, checked into our hotel, and went to the 24 hour supermarket to buy cereal and water and whattnot. it took us a good hour to find the supermarket because people can not give directions to save their life. we didn't got to sleep until about 4 am, which is why we woke up at 11am.
our view from the room was gorgeous!! you could see the beach and a lot of other scenery. our first day was spent at the beach. it was really empty and hardly anybody was in the water. i believe it was due to the large population of jellyfish that are completely in-escapable, if that is a word.
we went on a banana boat because it was only $15 for 20 minutes and looked a lot of fun. when watching it, you couldn't even see it after a couple of minutes, so you definitely get a nice ride around the island. however, when we got on the boat .. i had no idea how i had to hold on for my dear life. i was so against falling in the water because i was pretty sure i would freak the ef out. needless to say, it was definitely worth the $15, but something i would never do again. i think the driver wanted us to fall off. i was so sore in my legs and arms that for the next couple of days, i couldn't keep my right arm straight. i was in so much pain. terrible!
after we got back, we were exhausted and went to the pool because it was impossible to stay in the water with all the jellyfish and we wanted to swim. the pool was nice and the jacuzzi was steaming.
we went to a mexican restaurant that night and the food was yummyy and the drinks were so expensive. my god. but they were good. and within a few sips, i got tipsy so thats good for me.
our next day, we wanted to go to old san juan, but our conceirge or however it's spelled recommended we went snorkling first, which we wanted to do on our 3rd day. and boy, we were lucky we switched. it rained SOOOOOOOOO much in san juan that tours were cancelled and people couldn't do anything. however, where we were .. we completely lucked out.
we left 830 in the morning and by 10, we were at the boat. we went sailing for a little bit with lots of drinks prepared. it was beautiful; the weather was really nice. we got to our first spot for snorkling and the sand was so white. the water was so clear. and i panicked for quite a while before i would snorkel. eventually, with making sure craig wouldn't let go of my hand .. i went under. and we went out about 10 feet or so. we saw some fish, but they were at the bottom. but colorful!!
we went back on the boat for lunch and then sailed to another part, this time, not at a beach .. they let us off in the middle of the water. the beach was off limits. we were going in water that was about 25+ feet deep. and sure enough, as soon as i got in .. i started hyperventilating. i was so nervous, i couldn't get calm. but i went under and we swam for a longg time. we saw SO MUCH more fish. they came RIGHT up to you. plus, we had bread in our hands and they ate right out of our hands. SO MUCH fish. we saw a stingray!!! and eels. and beautiful rocks where i expected sharks to come out from, but they didn't. craig kept diving down to reach the bottom and i watched from the top of the water, nervous as hell. but all went okay. it was so beautiful. and the back of my butt was very red with sunburn! hahaha. it was hot.
we came back and after sleeping on the ride home, we got into our room and collapsed for about 3 hours. we woke up and since puerto rico closes at what seemed to be 7pm, we had to resort for eating dinner at denny's. luckily, nyc doesn't have denny's so it was new to us! hahaha. and my body was even more sore than the day before.
our third day, we were scheduled for the barcardi factory and old san juan. first we went to the factory and i bought a lot, but not nearly as much as i should have, of rum and barcardi. it was fun. they gave us free drinks and the older ladies on the tour with us were getting tipsy! haha.
after that, we went to old san juan and the forts. they were gorgeous!! i only wished that we got there on time and there was no traffic so we could have stayed longer. it was incredible. the view from the highest point was out of this world. i have to post pictures just to show all the scenery. it's amazing.
we were then dropped off to go shopping. i bought earrings and souveniers. i wanted to buy more jewelry, but there was not much to my liking :(.
we got back that night and got all dressed up and went to the casino next door to gamble!! here is where i could have lost all my money is craig didn't stop me. we tried a slot machine, but that was weak. so we went to the blackjack table. yeah, that was A LOT OF fun. we'd play, we'd win, we'd win, we'd lose, we'd win, we'd lose, and so on. in the end, we broke even. and that's when craig figured we should stop. so we did. but it was fun. because you keep winning and you want to keep going to see how much you could win. and oh, gambling is dangerous. i can't wait for las vegas vacations. i like to gamble.
we went back to our favorite mexican restaurant and i got pretty drunk. it was nice. since craig has the world's highest tolerance, he did not. or as much as me anyways. good stuff.
our last day there, we spent by the pool because the beach was dangerous. we were going to go jetskiing, but after the banana boat experience, i figured i had enough salt water to last me a life time.
we bought more souveiners at a shop close by, ate lunch, and went to the airport. the ride back was just like there.. smooth, but a tad bumpy in some spots. it wasn't even considered turbulance and the pilot didn't have us put our seatbelts back on, but i was scared.
we landed and waited forever for our luggage.
we went home and the next day, i started my new job! i thought puerto rico was wonderful and clean and beautiful and i can't wait to go to another island again. and maybe scuba dive. except not in shark waters. it was a really sweet vacation and i'm glad i went with craig <333. it was fantabulous!!
now for MAC. i've been to sephora every day i've worked. i miss my friends. MAC people are .. well .. not my type of people. don't get me wrong, i like the job. but the people .. with the exception of 2 or so .. are very ugh. yeah.
i haven't worked much either. day 1 was training. day 2 was work, but slow. very slow. day 3 was register training and holy moly .. that was boring as in i fell asleep every 2 minutes. horrible.
i'll write again soon to give more detailsabout the job when i've spent more time on the floor, which will be this weekend, starting tomorrow. i like that i can wear so many accessories. it's hot. they have me booking appointments and my goal is 21. i already have 15 and i only worked 1 day. i have until saturday. a contest is going on and i plan to win that contest. i hope so. that way more people can dislike the new girl. haha.
it's lonely at lunch time though. i'm lucky sephora is so close and my friends lunch when i lunch :) like elizabeth and jessica. wooooo!!
uhm. what else? craig and i went with ruben and collins to see snake on a plane. awesome movie. i'd like to see it again, most definitely. i spent a few days with craig and that's always wonderful. and yesterday, him and his friends at a bbq at the beach so we did that. too bad it was freeeeezziiiing and my tan didn't get any darker :(. but it was fun and relaxing.
today, i bought more black clothes and sketchers sneakers. is sketchers spelled right? i don't know. i'm wearing them to work and they are comfortable, so i'm excited for my feet. i don't know if they are acceptable, but i don't really care. my feet need comfort. yepyep.
okay this is long. if you read it all, comment so i can know and feel a rush of gratitude towards you. <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|12:07 pm] |
yesterday morning, i woke up and went to the nail salon to meet up with elizabeth. i finally got tips again with cute little palm trees, birds, and a sun. they took forever with my nails and although elizabeth started getting her nails done after me, she finished before me.
afterwards, we walked over to cvs to buy hair dye and wax. my mom picked us up .. got pizza .. etc .. and elizabeth began highlighting my hair. it's very light! i'm very blonde and golden in some spots. i'm excited to do my hair and see how everything comes together. i'll post pictures, but i don't have time or the patience right now. but i will post like crazy when i come back.
in a few hours time, i will be on a plane flying to puerto rico. with no drugs :(. pray for my plane!! and whatnot. but yayyyyyy vacationnnnn. expect a long picture post from me when i return. maybe not right away considering i go back to work almost immediately, but that weekend fo' sho.
<333!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|01:27 am] |
i am watching the infomercial on bare minerals make-up. and i am pissed off. it is full of crap. it is such a lie. it looks ashy on deeper tones. it makes pores appear larger, not disappeared. and it is messy! and gets everywhere! it is not fabulous and it is VERY cakey. ugh. i am so angry at the amount of lies. i am so happy to never work with bare minerals ever again. i'd like to call up that infomercial and tell them about their horrible, crappy product. what a bunch of crap. pure crap. i am so angry at the lies and false belief they send people and the poor people i work with at sephora who are going to have new clients come in for that product as a high request. NO ONE SHOULD USE IT.
moving on ...
last night, i packed most of my stuff for puerto rico! wooooo! i thought i lost my ring, but i didn't. thank freaking god. and i threw out my permit accidently, but found it in the garbage when i looked for my ring. so yay.
today. i sat in the park and read for a while. chuck palhehejnvdn, author of fight club, writes very disturbing and graphic novels. i then had a coffee coolata. it was yummy. i got a haircut. and i was almost brought to tears. it is so short and i hate it. i wanted my hair to remain long. but no. she didn't fully listen to me. i hate it. and i almost have bangs again. boooo. but everybody loves it. so that's good. maybe i'll change my mind when i style it on my own.
afterwards, i went to christine's grandmother's house. i ate cake. craig joined us. christine, elvis [her boyfriend], craig, and i walked around little italy and went to dinner. big expensive meal later ... we split up and craig and i went for gelato! it was such a pretty night and it was so nice outside and everything was lovely.
craig took me home and now here i am. watching a stupid infomercial while craig watches mad tv on youtube on the phone with me.
goodnight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|11:04 pm] |
and your eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow.
but when crying don't help, you can't compose yourself,
it's best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope.
that's why i'm singing, baby, don't worry 'cause now i've got your back.
and every time you feel like crying, i'm gonna try and make you laugh.
and if i can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we'll wait for it to pass and i will keep you company through those days so long and black.
and we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
of love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
but if the world could remain with a frame like a painting on a wall,
then i think we'd see the beauty and we'd stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil. |
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| there's no reason to have a constant point, i'm not gonna go from a to b no more. |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|03:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | an angle - true love | ] |
don't you wish you could just scream out every word, feeling, and thought you have? not in specifics, just in general and with everything. why are so compelled to hold everything back all the time? because we are afraid of the results. but sometimes i want to say things out loud that i don't mean at all, but feel appropriate for the situation. we all say things when we are angry, but i never say the horrible things i'm thinking when i'm angry. they are at the tip of my tongue and i want to yell it out, but i don't. because i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, EVEN THOUGH i do not mean a word of it. but still. words can hurt you. the nursery rhyme is a lie and we hold back things we want to say all the time because we hate confrentations and friction. unfortunately, even when the confrentation and friction has already begun, i still hold back. i would love to say what i'm really thinking, but i'm afraid of the damage. that's completely normal, i'm sure. or am i? what i'm usually sure is completely normal, i'm usually wrong about. i do not have the world or myself or people figured out by any means. i think i've given up on trying. i should just let live, but unfortunately, my mentally is so messed up and my insecurities are so deep that that is just about impossible. when i go back to school, i'm going to talk to the campus therapist person. or some kind of guidance counsler, just not one for academics. or maybe i'll get cheap insurance and go talk to a real person. hmm. i probably won't have time to do it on campus. school is such a burden. it takes up so much of my time. i'm so excited to be done in june. or july, rather. ugh. i need to figure out myself and listen to more music. i misssss music. why do i go through so many changes in my life? and why do the people who come across me now do not know the person from 2 years ago? it's a shame. why do i jump to so many different topics all the time? do i have a.d.d.? i am very bad at conversation and staying focused. i think that's even a fact when i used to write english essays. see! i'm even doing it now. it's 3:43AM. i should be sleeping, but i have no idea what i'm doing tomorrow. i don't even think i'm tired. i cleaned a lot of my room, but my desk is still messy and i haven't packed for puerto rico yet. and that's a lot to do and i think i might be too tired for that. i'm going to post this before i ramble anymore. this entry was supposed to be one or two sentences. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2006|02:27 pm] |
puerto rico in 4 days!! i am so excited. just not for the flying. it's supposed to be really nice weather in nyc, so our flight should be okay. as long as we don't go into a hurricane. i'm going to check the weather in san juan for the weekend after i'm done updating.
i spent sunday at the beach with craigs, ovidio, and cristine without the h. it was colddddd. but i got more color. i'm actually going tan. i never thought such things would happen. i think i'm going to the beach tomorrow or friday because that's what i seem to do when i'm off from work.
yesterday was my last day at sephora. WOOHOOOOO!!! yayayyy. it was pretty stressful given the fact that it was only kelly and i in color from 5 o clock til closing and neither of us was supposed to even definitely close. but we work so well and we made goal for the day. i just love how on my last day, i am being taught how to organize my drawers for my area of pride. because i care so much on my last day. but otherwise it was oaky. i was sad that i didn't get to say goodbye to the managers i like. that was poop. but i'll probably be in there more often than when i worked there.
today was supposed to be my first day at MAC, but they don't have my employment id # yet because all my paper work hasn't been processed yet. fun! haha. so i might not be able to start until saturday or the 18th of august, the day after i come back from vacation. oh well. it's like i have 2 weeks of vacation now. i never not have work so this is strange. today i'm doing laundry, tomorrow is beach or shopping, same with friday, and either friday or saturday .. i'm going to cut my hair, dye my hair, and get manicures and pedicures. i'm going to be pampered like whoa. oh i'm going to pack today, also. i love packing.
okay. i think this is long enough. i went to target the other day and bought pretzel rods that were covered in peanut butter. mmmmmm!!!! and more black clothing. my whole wardrobe is going to be black if i keep this up.
okay i have to call jetblue because my boyfriend is calling me a brat. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|11:52 am] |
only 2 more days at sephora!! cool. even though there is a possibility i might not be starting mac until after puerto rico, still. i am excited. that place is so irritable. and i've been late almost every day since i gave them my 2 weeks. oops? i don't know how it's happening. 85% of the time, it's not my fault, but the trains and them not wanting to go into manhattan and me having to go to the end of the line just to go back around on another train's route. yeah. lameee,d.,e. but anyways.
so i went to the beach monday. got burnt in the face. went to work on tuesday. went to the beach again on wednesday. with craig, of course. saw elizabethhhhhh. we hung out. she gave me shimmer oil lotion thing. thursday, craig and i went to his brother's pool. funnn. i love swimming in a pool. it's so much more fun, it's exciting. all in all, more burnt. veryveryvery. but it's turning into a tan! for the first time in my life. crazy .
thursday at midnight, we went to go see talladega nights. awesomeee. i love will ferrel. he always make me laugh even when i'm dead tired. the sun really wears you out.
yesterday i had an irritable day at work. today looks better. i had a haircut appointment at 1130 and i, obviously, did not show up. oops. next week!
and uhm. beach party tomorrow? yeah. come if you'd like.
i also saw miami vice not too long. i don't recommend that movie. talladega nights! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|10:48 pm] |
sephora is so dumb that even though my last day is tuesday, august 8th.. they have me on the schedule until saturday, august 11th. such organization. and tonight, they had no one closing the store except shannon. i am tired. i am excited to not wear that uniform anymore. uhm.
i went to the beach yesterday. i am getting a red tan. but i am not in pain and that's all i care about. we then went to go see miami vice with his brother and brother's girlfriend. it was pretty boring and too long. the only action was at the end and it was good action. but honestly, it needed more action. afterwards, i made blue hawaiian martinis. i don't think i spelled hawaiin right. but they got me drunk. and then craig was drunk. and we fell asleep in a really awkward position that made us laugh a lot this morning.
my puppy is chewing on phones and wires. it makes me laugh.
so yeah. i stayed at craig's on saturday, i think. yes i did. sunday, we were lazy and i saw a huge water bug that freaked me the ef out. then the next day, i got sunburn on my boobie as previously mentioned.
i'm just bored so i'm updating.
i'm going to the beach tomorrow, too. or the pool. i hope for the pool so i can swim underwater because i won't stick my head in brighton beach. you can't stand and see your toes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|09:18 pm] |
so yesterday i gave my 2 weeks notice to sephora. august 8th is my last day and on august 9th, i start at mac in bloomingdales. it's $7 more an hour than what i make now. we get paid weekly. andddd i'll have my own belt of brushes, not to mention 60% discount, and tons of most of the line gratis. i am so excited and so nervous at the same time. this was the good news i wanted to talk about, but didn't want to jinx it until i was certain. i interviewed with 4 people, including doing a complete make over application with my own model. i didn't expect to hear from them until august 4th, like they told me, so it was quite a shock when i received the phone call yesterday. but i am leaving sephora!!! they tried to get me to stay. allison, my specialist, talked to me for about 45 minutes, asking me questions and seeing if there was anything she could do for me to change my mind. but whatev. i've been waiting for this for a while. i jsut never thought i'd be talented enough. maybe i doubt myself too much. and if i didn't have a strong urge to throw up, i'd write more about my excitement. but i really want to throw up everything in my system. except i can't :(.
i had to fill out mac paperwork today. and then i met up with raven to do a photo shoot of a 12 year old girl and her head shots. it was a quick shoot and i got $40 dollars to put on foundation, bronzer, and mascara. so that was fun.
i went out with my mom and ebn and i feel nauceous. as i've already repeated several times. i'm so tired. i only slept 2 hours last night, literally. ask craig. i spent the night with him. he didn't sleep much either. i am exhausted, but ihave to polish my nails even though i just want to pass out. yawn. i'm going to go to HSBC tomorrow and open a checkings/savings account with them because i am sick of north fork.
goodnight. |
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| hey everybody, who wants penis cake? |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|11:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  yeah. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 40 year old virgin. | ] |
we bought my baby cousin clothes. they are so cute. i can't wait until i'm older and done with school so i can have a baby girl and dress her up. my kid is going to the cutest thing to exist.
i was a cashier all day yesterday. time went by so much faster. and yeah. i'm just trying to update a lot.
i hate the way i feel, by the way. i want to do a lot of things. and i want to say a lot of things. and i'm not sure if i know anything at all.
............ i'm bored. but i'm not tired. it sucks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|11:42 am] |
i am peeling so much that it looks like i have a disease.
and it's really itchyyyyyy. ugh.
i don't really have much to update on. all i do is work, really.
the thing that i'm hoping for is looking positive. so i'm going to continue to keep my fingers crossed.
the other night, i stayed over craig's house. earlier that day, i went to old navy and bought a large amount of clothes. i really love shopping. craig got a new phone. we went home. and the next morning when i woke up for work, he had breakfast ready for me. he came to serve it to me in bed. sweeeeeeeet<3. i told everybody about it at work. and later that day, he was shopping with his friend and came by. and then him, ovidio, and cristine showed up around the time i had lunch and we all had lunch together. and that was really exciting. i love visitors. and lunch outside sephora. it just sucks when the hour is up and you have to go back.
so that's really that. i have work today at 2. it's a shorter shift and that's really exciting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|10:27 pm] |
i hate having conversations. that's a complete lie. i love conversations. i love being able to talk about deep topics or even about each other. what i hate is feeling that i'm such a horrible person and that i can't do anything right. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET OVER THIS. i think i just like crying. maybe it's because i always feel like i deserve to cry. i always feel like i'm messing something up. and then, there's always someone there to remind me of how i'm messing something up. and it really hurts to cry when you have a sunburn because your body vibrates and it makes your skin stretch and thus, irritation. i don't know. i'm in a terrible mood. i think i have horrible issues. i trust people, but i dont trust myself to be enough for a person.
does that make sense? i'm never sure of what i'm thinking. i think my whole past and past relationships [definitely including friendships] have had a huge affect on me negatively. i can't remember if i was ever positive. but i know i used to be suicidal in junior high school and then i just was depressed most of the time. but was i? why was i? i feel like i can't remember. or understand how i got this way. i feel like all my depression comes from high school on. but that's not right. i don't know what to blame or who to blame. i should probably blame myself. because everything happens as a result of something i did or said or didn't say or didn't do.
i ramble on. i wish i was rich. so i could talk to a psychiatrist. i think i'm manic depressed. or something like that.
i just. want to be happy more often than not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|04:54 pm] |
yes! lex luther has gone bald. i just don't know how it happened. but i'm glad it did.
ps. i watched the land before time yesterday. does anybody else really, truly love that movie? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|04:29 pm] |
i decided to watch superman. but since i've had it on, i haven't been paying attention. i'm pissed lex luther isn't bald. why do they make him bald in all the other superman related stories and tv shows? does he become bald in the 2nd superman or in the first movie later on? i hope so. i need some justification and since i'm really not paying attention, that could be a while.
so. craig and i went to the beach on sunday with his mom. needles to say, i am burnt. i'm talking so burnt that i had to call out of work yesterday and today because i can't stand up for too long without wanting to fall down. i can't sleep because i can't get comfortable. i don't want to keep putting aloe vera on because i cry whenever i touch my skin. luckily, i don't have work until friday. if i'm not better by then .. well, then i don't know. but i feel a little better now. my legs don't hurt as much when i'm sitting as they did yesterday. but my back and upper arms are ... i feel like i'm being stabbed constantly. :( everyone should feel bad for white girls. and you know, it's not like i didn't use spf. i even had my legs covered!! so seriously, the sun is the enemy. this better not be a preview of puerto rico or my trip will be ruined and that can't happen. it might not be as bad if all the redness on my body would turn tan. but it never will because i'm so white. yeah.
and when i called out, my job is like . well .. we are short staffed. hey, that is not my problem that you don't put enough people on the schedule. i can't walk. i can't stand. i'm not going to wait for a bus in the sun, only to cause myself more pain, and then stand for 8 hours when i can barely make it to my bathroom. sephora is so inconsiderate of people's problems and ailments.
moving on .. i'm not really sure what to write. but i've been feeling so many different things lately and they aren't all very happy. in fact, i've been quite depressed. i haven't had a chance to really talk about things. but apparantly, everybody at work is noticing a difference because everybody keeps asking me if everything is okay.. first of all, that annoys me because if everything is not okay, i'm not going to confide in people i don't even like and who i don't think gives a damn except they just want gossip and to know everything.
i've talked a little bit to kelly and a lot to jessica. jessica and i went out for drinks after work and i unloaded so much information, i jumped stories like crazy. it made me feel better, but also .. even more depressed. she gave me advice on what i need to do and she is more than right. oh she is so right. but i can't bring myself to that. but i think i might have to eventually. i don't even know if i was completely honest with her about my feelings. i don't even know if i'm honest with myself. i don't know what i'm doing. but it's driving me crazy because i just want to be happy again. i feel so routine, so old. so not exciting. i don't know what i need to do for myself. i don't know if i get bored of things too easily or what. everything is a huge, big mess. and it's not exciting. i'm one confused peorson. and the lack of friends ... doesn't help.
i still don't know how to describe myself or how to change things about me. i don't know how to gain confidence. jessica asked me what do i like about myself and what do i think other people like about me. and it's like ... a complete blank. i don't know if i've been hurt so many times in my life and that causes me to hate myself or because i've hurt so many people in my life that i can't see the good in me if i can do so much bad. i don't know!! but all i know is .. i lack confidence in just about anything. unless it's a good day and then i think i'm a fabulous make up artist. but even that ... doesn't last long and i lose it. shrug. i sometimes think i'm a waste of space and i'm not really good at anything and i don't know what i'm doing qwith my life or my time.
so at work. over the weekend, i had some responsibilities. especially on saturday. they had me DICing [which means i'm in charge of the floor for that period of time], plus i was in charge of the skincare contest. well, i dont know how asia and kelly do it. but my god ... cast members are so mean to you when youre not a manager but in charge of something!!! i wanted to smack so many people in the face. they catch such attidues, they are so snotty. if you tell them to do something or you go to ask them something .. they either, a) don't listen, b) don't do it, or c) tell you to stop boterhing them. ugh i was really angry. and that shot me down some inches, too. because i had this whole feeling i was being annoying and shouldn't keep trying. i wanted to throw the clipboards aside and just walk out.
oh life has not been so very good lately. i'm feeling the way i did when i wanted to just move to nj and forget everything that was going on here and how i was feeling. i wanted to move away from everybody and everything and start all over. but even now, there's nothing in nj. i'm one empty vessel. who wants to stop burning and take a shower.
i have something to do on thursday. and i pray to god it goes well. i'm just afraid to talk about it because i don't want to jinx it. i told a few people and they're optimistic about the situation and i agree with them about 60%. but the other 40% doesn;t want my hopes to go so high because it's something i REALLYREALLY want .. nd there's that big chance i won't get it and yeah.
okay so luck all aroun dand here's to healing the burn!
i promise to keep trying to write in here more often. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2006|12:48 am] |
im going to be working 5 days in a row at sephora. i never do that. i'm not sure if i'm excited. but i need the money. so yeah.
i think too much.
sad face. |
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| oh minkus. |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|02:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | boy meets world | ] |
i really love boy meets world. i want to buy all the dvds and watch from the beginning. because i love this show so much. and minkus is so little and adorable. and yeah. i'm dreading going to best buy because i know will buy them all without realizing how much money that is. and with christmas so close .. it might not be such a good idea.
so. my victoria's secret credit card has gone from a balance of 0 to over 300$ in about a week's time. i hit those semi annual sales like it was going out of style. at least i came back with 4 bras and lots of underwear, nto to mention the amount of bath and body works i supplied, too. it was awesome.
i had an interview at ricky's and i'm pretty positive i would have gotten the job if i showed up for the interview. but i heard they wouldn't pay me as much as i want. and as for sephora, well i am fed up. they gave me my review and told me how great i was and then gave me a $1 raise. because that's a whole big $8 extra a day. i see how 'great' i really am. yeah. okay. and tomorrow, i'm sitting down with my specialist to schedule when i can do my trainings. i'm going to be doing an urban decay training, possibly hard candy, and the sign up training. and she's talking about me helping teach the color section of orientation for the new people. but i'm worth a whole big $1. i meant to go job hunting today, but alas, i woke up at 130 because i stayed up watching batman movies until 3am. i really don't like batman. i don't think he's a super hero. either is robin. or batgirl. i'm going to watch catwoman and see what i think about that. but yeah. whatever.
i want to work for MAC. i should probably stop putting off applying and believe i could get the job. everybody tells me i should be working for them, but i don't think they'll hire me. but i need confidence, as everyone so often reminds me.
i'm going to apply to this beauty store in bay ridge later. they have urban decay, which i didn't know was possible outside sephora and norstrums. i spelled that wrong.
so on to happier news. craig and i are going to puerto rico august 13 - august 17. i am excited. but desperately afraid of the flight that is over water the entire time. during hurricane season. that's not scary at all. but we're staying at a condo that is ON the beach. it's part of one of the hotels. and our little apartment has a gorgeous ocean view. so i am excited for rainforests, buring, and sand. AND a whole vacation with my boyfriend<3333. not for flying. over water. during hurricane season.
4th of july was lame. it was supposed to be really nice. craig and i went to coney island to watch the fireworks. but they ran out of bolts or something?? so we were completely screwed except for the large amount of people doing fireowrks off the beach. so at least we saw something. but still.
i worked 4th of july. hollla time and a half. and i was assigned to paint flags and stars on people's faces. it was a lot of fun and that's what i did all day. i left at 7 oclock, but when i went back on stage to leave .. i was forced to stay an extra half hour to put some flags on some more clients because the color cast members that were still CLOCKED in, apparantly do not have the talent to draw stars and flags on people's faces.. so i had to do it. off the clock. if that's not passion for the client, i don't know what is. but yeah, a $1.
i am bitter. and i feel like punching many poeple in the face. but i;m excited for vacation and the new will ferrel movie. not for batman. batman blows. i want to see superman after i watch the original superman's. xmen still rules all.
this is really long for no reason whatsoever. |
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